FEELINGS FROM THE HEART
Shaolin Wahnam Spain
10th January 2013
Small and Big Universe Course Diary
Dear Shaolin Wahnam Family,
It is Mother's Day back in Spain so I called my mom. Since I came from the Small and Big Universe Course I feel more connected to my mother and I actually can feel that she shares more with me.
As I mentioned before, I have been offered to live in a new flat. I was a bit scared of such an amount of changes in so short period of time. Today I saw the new flat and it is many times better than the previous flat that I just rented. It is just the perfect place for me. I can feel it in the heart.
It is amazing how these arts work. I still don’t understand them and I am starting to realise that I might have to accept living with that mystery for the rest of my days.
This force that is lately leading me is so strong that I just have to let it lead me even if I don’t understand where it is taking me. I have learned to trust it and to go with it. I sometimes think that it is crazy to follow my heart in such a way but I then realise that this is probably the way life should be lived and I might have been missing the powerful flow of life all this time for not having done so.
I just talked to the Landlady and she is really nice. She confirmed me that I can stay in the new flat so I now have to talk to the other Landlord and try to find the best way to end the contract. I feel very happy with the change as I now feel that I can really start a home. The other flat wasn’t really nice but renting in Dublin is becoming almost impossible. As I wanted to live on my own I had to sacrifice quality.
Interestingly, I have been searching for a flat since past November and I could not find any and in the past 3 weeks I have been offered 2 flats in the same place where I live. It really sounds crazy. The funny thing is that I did nothing in order to find them. They just came to me like magic.
In the past, it would have taken me a long time to decide if joining this opportunity or not. Now I grabbed it without even thinking. I know that I might have to face some inconveniences but I still prefer to loose some money and live in the place that I want than missing the opportunity and regret later.
Following my heart always feels really good. To be honest, I have never been very good in following my reasoning. My heart always speaks really strong and, if I don’t do what it tells me it drives me crazy until I am following the direction that it is pointing me. That is the main reason why all these years I had such a bad time. I wasn’t properly following my heart due to my intense fear of failing and loosing.
When I follow my heart I feel in peace. I feel the balance and the harmony of every action that I do. When I follow my heart every action nourishes my spirit. Most of the times, my reasoning does not agree with my heart and they have a little fight. Somehow, my heart is always stronger and I finally do what it says.
I feel much more courage since the Small and Big Universe Course. I feel brave but not violent. I feel the courage through the non violence. I feel the courage coming from the righteousness. Being firm, forceful and peaceful.
For some strange reason today I am incomprehensibly happy. Something big is happening deep inside though I don’t know what it is. It feels like recovering from old wounds. It feels like having found something that I have been searching since times that my memory can not reach. It feels like having found water after wandering in the desert for endless days.
Sitting in my new apartment I realise that I will be here for just a month and a half as I have finally agreed to live in the other new apartment. I decided to go with the heart though I might not understand very well why I have been taken there.
Something in the Small and Big Universe Course has changed me forever. I don’t know what it is. Though I don’t know what it is I still can feel it. I accept Sifu in my life and what it is more important, I accept Sifu in my heart.
Since I opened my heart to Sifu, the transmission is very pure. It is not coming through words. That is why I can hardly notice when he is teaching me. I realise how immense the transmission is when I arrive home. This transmission is so soft and delicate as the transition between the day and the night. It is hard to say when it happens but it happens.
I feel that I act more with the heart. I am less afraid of the consequences and I tend to accept more what is happening. I am starting to embrace life events as part of my adventure, part of my story, part of my destiny.
The only thing that I am having difficulties with is when accepting illness in my loved ones. That is the hardest part of this path. Having the cure, owning the miracle, living the healing, understanding how to overcome illness and not being able to share it with the people that I love is sometimes hard.
Seeing the people that I love suffering and not being able to inspire them it is difficult. This is really the hardest part of knowing “The Secret of Healing”. I understand now why compassion is so important in my path. I understand now why "Letting Go" is necessary for getting the best benefits in my journey.
I often ask God what to do and how to help them best. The only answer that I receive from him is: “The best medicine you can give them is your love”. Though I think that I understand what he means I still wish them to heal, to improve their lives, to live life fully and to be happy.
It is hard to have the cure and not being able to share it with my loved ones. I want to share with them this gift. I understood that, though they are my loved ones, it is their right to say no and to live their lives in whatever way they want.
This is another reason why I admire Sifu so much. He is a great healer and can change someone’s life in just an instant. Though his incredible power, many people refuses his help. I have learned from his example and received an enormous inspiration for dealing with this difficulty of mine.
I finally understood that not everyone is ready for this path. Not everyone is ready for living the life fully and in a meaningful way. Not everyone is ready to give it a chance or even to put the effort that is needed for nourishing this invaluable treasure.
I always ask God for help. I pray for answers as he always knows how to deal with things that I don’t know how to deal with. Most part of the knowledge and wisdom that I am gaining often overwhelms me as I don’t know how to use it. I understand now why Sifu is so often reminding that “We must always use it for good”.
I can now feel many things that I couldn’t feel before. Though I can sense many things that I could not sense before, a whisper within me often tells me to not interfere with the God’s way. Maybe this is what Sifu means when he says that “Those are Heaven Secrets”. It is sometimes hard to know more and that is why to "Let Go" has become more important than ever. As I always wish to do good I seek my answers in God. I receive his answers in my heart and I always hope and wish that my thoughts, words and actions reflect the good and never the bad.
The above discussion is reproduced from the thread The Small Universe Course - Toronto 2014 in the Shaolin Wahnam Discussion Forum.