CONDITIONAL AND UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
We love chi kung because it gives us benefits. Our love for chi kung is conditional.
Bonus Question
In your Q&A from May 2007 part 3 Question 1 you mention that the cause of a broken heart is being in love with love. To be honest at first I didn't see any deeper meaning but now having more experience I have a slightly deeper understanding of what you meant.
On a website about Buddhism I read that there are two kinds of love, unconditional love and conditional love also called selfish love. It is also mentioned that one should avoid conditional love. I think being in love with love is conditional love.
Can Sigung please tell us the philosophical differences of conditional and unconditional love, how situations change due to this philosophical differences for example in finding a suitable partner, being in a relationship, having children and a happy family life and how to cultivate unconditional love and avoid conditional love?
Bernhard
Answer
Many people are in love with love, usually without their conscious knowing. It is a part of growing up.
John, for example, thinks that he loves Mary. It does not matter if it is another girl, who can be Elizabeth or Jane. If John is with Elizabeth, he thinks he loves Elizabeth. If John is with Jane, he thinks he loves Jane. Actually John is not in love with Mary, Elizabeth or Jane: he is in love with love.
Love may be classified into two types – unconditional and conditional.
Unconditional love is love without any conditions. A spiritualist loves people, irrespective of whether the people are rich or poor, kings or paupers. A Shaolin Wahnam member loves life, irrespective of whether the day is sunny or rainy, whether he is in a crowded city or on a lonely island.
Conditional love is love with conditions, or at least one condition, although the conditions may not be mentioned or the lover may not consciously realize the conditions. A man, for example, loves a woman because she is pretty, or because she has some desirable qualities. If she is ugly or does not have the desirable qualtiies, he may not love her. Shaolin Wahnam members love chi kung because chi kung brings benefits. If chi kung does not bring benefits, they may not love it.
Conditional love is called selfish because it has at least one condition that satisfies the self. A man loves a woman because she is pretty, which is conditional and selfish. Her prettiness is a condition and it satisfies the man’s self.
To be selfish is not necessarily bad. Self-survival for example, is a very important principle of life, and it is selfish. A man loving a pretty woman, which is selfish, can be good.
On the other hand unconditional love is not necessarily good, though it usually is. A maniac with the unconditional love of raping women, irrespective of whether the women are young or old, pretty or ugly, is bad.
One should avoid conditional love if it is bad. If it is good, he should welcome it. Good is what brings benefits, and bad is what brings harm.
Free sparring in most other martial art schools, and free sparring in Shaolin Wahnam are both conditional love. Practitioners in most other martial art schools and in Shaolin Wahnam love free sparring because it is a required condition in their schools and our school. Free sparring in most other schools where practitioners harm themselves with a generous exchange of blows, is bad. Free sparring in Shaolin Wahnam where our family members learn combat efficiency with proper combat application is good.
Whether one regards being in love with love is conditional or unconditional, depends on his interpretation. If a man is in love with love, but the girl he thinks he is in love with must be one he likes, it is conditional. If the girl can be any girl, irrespective of whether he likes her or not, it is unconditional. Usually when one is in love with love, it is conditional.
As mentioned earlier, conditional love is love with conditions, and unconditional love is love without conditions.
A man loves a woman because she is young. Being young is a condition. When the condition changes, when the woman grows old, the man does not love her. Here is an example of how situations change due to philosophical difference. If he still loves her despite her age, then the love, which started as conditional becomes unconditional.
In a relationship, as I mentioned in the answer you provided, an essential condition to love a woman is that she must also love you. If she does not love you, no matter how much you love her, you should leave her alone. However, if the situation changes, if she later loves you, you can love her, provided you haven’t given your love to another woman.
When you have children, you must love your children. It is because they are your children. It is conditional love. If you love other children too, it is unconditional love.
Having a happy family life is conditional love. There are five conditions to attain a happy family life, namely to have get-togethers regularly, to say truthful things your family members like to hear, to let them live their own lives, to help them in times of difficulties, and to encourage them in words and deeds.
We in Shaolin Wahnam cultivate unconditional love, though our family members may not realize it consciously. Every time we practice our arts, we smile form our heart. This makes us happy irrespective of where we are, and what exercise we shall perform. We find each day a beautiful day, irrespective of whether it rains or shines.
We avoid conditional love only if it is bad. If it is good we welcome it. We love to practice our chi kung because it gives us good health, vitality and longevity. The conditions are that we must be relaxed and free of all thoughts. We love to practice kungfu because it gives us combat efficiency and internal force. The conditions are that we must use kungfu skills and techniques, and that we must not tense our muscles.
We love life irespective of whether we are in a busy city or on a desserted island. Our love for life in unconditional.
The questions and answers are reproduced from the thread 10 Questions on Happy Family Life in the Shaolin Wahnam Discussion Forum.
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